Mutual respect.

“We have to allow ourselves to be loved by the people who really love us, the people who really matter.  Too much of the time, we are blinded by our own pursuits of people to love us, people that don’t even matter, while all that time we waste and the people who do love us have to stand on the sidewalk and watch us beg in the streets!  It’s time to put an end to this.  It’s time for us to let ourselves be loved.” ~ C. JoyBell C.; American philosopher and inspirational writer.

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When it comes to true love there must be respect, because true love is indeed a constant celebration of respect and deep connection; and so, respect means freedom to be who you are without being bullied or judged, it means you respect the other person and are yourself respected for how you think and feel.  That is self-love.

How you think and feel must be respected, even if the other person does not agree with you.  You either respect each other or there is no love, and if there is no love to celebrate, then, what is the point of staying in a relationship with no love…??  All relationships should be for your development.

One must develop patience and understanding in any relationship, but not allow oneself to be put down or treated badly; for it is all about self-love all the time, it is about your own individual development.
 

To have self-love, you cannot live in fear of being alone, of ending the relationship and starting a new life where you can be yourself; self-love is freedom to be yourself, it is knowing that you are already whole and that people have nothing to do with how you love yourself.

So, in order to recognize true love in another there must be mutual respect, which is freedom to be yourself and not his/her slave.  And self-love is not fearing change, such is change to fix your life and get rid of relationships that do not serve you.

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Strengthen your character

 

“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” ~ Buddha.

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“Be Impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz; Mexican author of Toltec spiritualist and neoshamanistic texts.

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Quite often we tend to react emotionally to situations and people, destroying trust and distancing ourselves from clarity; and this happens when the mind is overwhelmed and angered, in conversations or even when we keep anger inside that we cannot contain.
 

So, that is when the mind explodes and careless words come flying out just like daggers thrust to an opponent in battle; however, as in battle, the greatest warriors are the ones who remain calm, the ones who control their reactions, and the ones who turn mental anger and fogginess into mental strength and poise.

See, the fact that you must be firm and serious in your battle, in your work, in your conversation with another, does not mean you have to be careless and hurtful with your words.

  Now, you must understand that when you let your mind explode and you say whatever comes out of your mouth, you are not just hurting others but you are hurting yourself; for in this process you condition your mind, your character, subconsciously perhaps, to be subjected to this poison which runs now throughout your whole system.

You not only destroy your own integrity and peace of mind, but you destroy opportunities and distance yourself from people that now see you as this ego-centered bully; furthermore, your thoughts and words of anger or incomprehension release energy which is negative and attract all sorts of stressing situations into your life.

Your character develops strength based on the control on your reactions and the intentions you carry in thoughts and words.

Be patient, wait to respond or formulate your message, remain clear and do not allow your emotions to cloud your thinking.

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Moving forwards...

 

“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”  ~ Mahatma Gandhi.

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“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.  He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.  There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us.  When we discover this, we are less prone to hate others.”  ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.; American Baptist minister, spokesperson and leader in the Civil Rights Movement.

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Self-love is the beginning of every great and inspirational thought, of every great and inspirational feeling, of every great and inspirational deed; so, if a human being cannot love himself beyond his mundane thoughts and superficial appearance, then he will not be able to experience true happiness and truly love others.
 

 

But he will confuse pleasure with true love and thus he will suffer and fail many times in his life, while making the same mistakes over and over again until, and if ever, he learns to develop self-love.

Forgiveness is one of the greatest acts regarding self-love, because it is all about truly freeing your own mind, loving yourself; and once you let go of the hurt from past memories, then your mind is free to embrace self-love and to move on, while you are not tied anymore to hate and anger and you can heal yourself.

Even something as terrible as rape can be forgiven, not forgotten, obviously; but, nevertheless, you can remove the anger and hatred from your mind which is destroying your abilities to move on and be happy, thus you self-love.

I am not saying forgiving the stupidities of people is easy, not even close to that; but I am saying that it is worth it, because it is all about your healthy development and the embrace of greater strengths.

Whatever happened in your life a minute or ten years ago is in the past, and now in your memory; and because it is a memory, you may never forget it, but because it is in fact this memory in thought-form, you can make peace with it.  And so with daily practice, patiently, focused on your own development, you can let go, you can help yourself.

 

The easiest, most selfish and lazy thing the human being does is to follow his own ego blindly, like a brute with no brains at all; so, to remain attached to anger and hatred, to choose to follow stupid memories and let these thoughts consume you, is to deny the divine opportunities, the inner strength, life has given you to move on and raise above your own flawed mind, thus stupidity and stubbornness, thus a very selfish and pitiful state of mind.  This is of the weak mind, thus also of the weak individual as a whole who cannot even rule over his own mind.

 

To forgive then is of the strong mind, because to forgive is to see beyond your own lazy ego and reach deep within you for the strength to move on and be happy.  This takes guts and a very tamed mind.  This takes some greater mastery over yourself.

Are you the weak one or the strong one then…??  Are you an inferior human being or a superior one…??

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Innermost.

“No one knows your situation better than you.  Do what’s best for you.  If they can’t love you through it, then they weren’t meant to be in your life.”  ~ Tony Gaskins; American motivational speaker, author and life coach.

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“Look inside yourself for the answers, you’re the only one who knows what’s best for you.  Everybody else is only guessing.”  ~ Charles De Lint; Canadian short story writer, novelist, poet, and lyricist.

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Knowledge of self, daily reflection, routine meditation into yourself, is what one needs in order to embrace complete happiness and in order to be content with whatever you do in life.

This is self-love: when you only follow your inner self and take care of that inner self because you realize that you are the most important person you have to worry about, your mental elevation and emotional understanding; and so, from this process of self-love you can now expand love onto others.

 

 But this paramount process of self-love gets interrupted and badly tainted if you allow your focus to be on others, on others’ expectations for you, on others’ opinions and wishes for you, etc. etc. 

No one, not even your loved ones, can tell you exactly what is best for you if you are mature enough to see it for yourself, if you are mature enough to know where you are going and enjoy the path you walk; therefore, it is of the ego to feel victim of the opinions, wishes, expectations of other people, for you must see the reality, that you are the god of your own life, that you are the creator of your own life.

  Never allow guilt, shame, fear, to consume your rationale and affect your emotional understanding of yourself, because you are here on this earth to develop yourself, not to take care of others constantly and be the punching bag for their mental and emotional nonsense.

This may sound harsh to someone that is not well acquainted with self-love, but it is the absolute truth to me; and I live my life based on it.

You are the only one who knows your innermost desires and strengths, so do not let any tricks from your ego or from the ego of others to manipulate you into being less and staying less than what you are and can accomplish.

Do not give in to stress and frustration, but raise above it.

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Breaking the chain.

“Toxic relationships of any kind not only make us unhappy; they corrupt our attitudes and dispositions in ways that undermine healthier relationships and prevent us from realizing how much better things can be.”  ~ Michael Josephson; American law professor, attorney, public speaker on ethics, businessman, and entrepreneur.

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“Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people.  Someone who just helped you to speak evil about another person can later help another person to speak evil about you.”  ~ Israelmore Ayivor; Ghanaian inspirational writer, blogger, public speaker, and LifeSkills Entrepreneur.

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If one truly desires to better one’s own life and elevate the mind through peace and self-love, then one must choose people carefully, or choose the time to be spent and the interaction one has with people.
 
There is no middle; either you are fully committed to better yourself, your thoughts, your behavior, your life, or you are lazy and ignorant enough to remain in the same place in your life all the time without any higher goals.  It is always your choice and not your surroundings.

But your choice and your passion may be influenced by the people around you, by the conversations, by the arguments; and, furthermore, specially influenced by the people you love or befriend, so you must tread carefully and not engage with toxic or negative people.

Toxic or negative people are individuals who put you down in any way, who gossip about others, who complain a lot, who always blame others, who do not fully respect your imagination and way of thinking, who are lazy themselves, who mistreat others, etc. etc.

It is extremely important that you do not spend your time with these people, choose wisely even if they are family; that is, do not avoid them if in fact they are family and you love them, but do not absorb what they preach, and specially do not fall into their arguments, into their traps.
 
Accept them as they are, do not try to change their thinking, just smile and walk away.  Be aware that self-love and your development is crucial in your life, and for all success and happiness, and that is why you must not let toxic arguments and emotions invade the holiness of your temple.

Your own mind must be pure and elevated, so only worry about that and not about others.  Analyze this wisdom and become it.

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